Let me start by saying I like my websites. Sure, there are always things I could tweak here or there, or it could be on a faster server, or it could be more SEO friendly. I’d love to host videos inline without jacking the server costs. But overall, I like my two froggy homes. ThePolyBlog for my personal stuff and PolyWogg for my more professional stuff. Or, to steal from someone else’s framing that I like, the first is for me and the second is for others.
That doesn’t mean, though, that I don’t take it seriously. There are almost 2M words on the two sites, and more than a few regular followers. Which is rare for a long-form personal blog. As I near retirement, I wanted to do an honest review of my content against what other people in similar or adjacent spheres were doing. Both to help me understand my positioning as well as potentially give me ideas for opportunities I’m not exploiting. Most of that review is done. Let’s see where I’m at.
Insight into government
I naively thought there might be more sites like mine out there blogging about government life, how government works, etc. Insider looks from a public administration mindset. Government 101 perhaps. Maybe not a lot in Canada, but around the world? Average people like, well, me? Surely there would be some in Australia, US, UK, maybe New Zealand.
In Canada, I quickly tripped over Michael Wernick’s “Governing Canada”, which I had already read. It’s a good find as I do admire some of his style and his ability to remain apolitical in his descriptions (which reviewers decry). Except it was a little too white bread treatment, even for my tastes.
Donald Savoie is a huge Canadian voice, with books, Policy Options essays, etc. They’re practically a whole genre unto themselves. And yet, they don’t land with me as strongly as they should. A little too theoretical, upbeat? Not enough grit perhaps? Not sure.
Sam Freedman’s stuff on Substack (Comment is Freed) and his book (Failed State). A little too British-specific to catch my attention, but quite popular. And long form (many posts > 3000 words!). Except it is far more political than I would want. Predictions on elections, analysis of races, analysis of political positions in various cases. Not my cup of tea, normally. Yawn.
Ian Dunt has Striking 13 on Substack, books and podcasts (oh my!). Finding him was like finding buried treasure. I’ve marked his book, How Westminster Works… and Why It Doesn’t, for later, although I’ve already skimmed a few chapters. I was super excited about the first bits, until I realized the general thread of “how it works” seems similar to some books written in the Maritimes in Canada — government is stupid because politicians are stupid and do stupid things. Not really my jam. I know why people believe that, I know why people like that line…I’m just not one of them. A little too angry a line for me. Maybe 10% will be useful for me to think about for future topics.
Martin Stanley is a little too Mandarin-ish by contrast. Amazing stuff, from the https://civilservant.org.uk/ website to the Substack. I’ve bookmarked his book, “How to be a Civil Servant” for later. Mostly as I want to see what he has to say about running policy teams. And he has the right tone — this is “how it works” with some analysis of limits and perks, but not angry. Definitely a tone I aspire to match.
I had not seen Jen Pahlka’s work before, or maybe I dismissed it as too US-centric, not sure. The name was familiar, but I had not specifically seen her “Recoding America” stuff before. Digital service delivery is mostly outside of my purview, but I’ll take a look.
David Eaves stuff for Canada is a bit more data-ish, even more than Pahlka, probably more than I’ll enjoy, but I’ll also take a gander.
And then I run out of options that I’m likely to emulate.
Future options
I know I want to write about skills, performance, Government 101, audits, HR and life as a manager. I already know my voice for most of those, and maybe about 10% of the above will help flesh out the 101 stuff and life as a manager. The rest? That’s mostly on me. And some books, of course. Lots of books. I was just hoping to find other writers fighting government monsters and gazing long enough into the abyss that the abyss has begun to start gazing back into them. A few abyss dwellers. And me. Alone in my pond. Typing away. 🙂 I assumed my voice was rare; I didn’t think my croaking was unique. Ribbit.
March was extremely productive in my personal life, but not so much for reading. I was still finishing My Friends by Fredrick Bachman, and the first 20-25% was a struggle. I loved it, in the end. And I’ve been doing huge personal projects, so no reviews lately. Let’s take a look at the options for April. Ten “YES” and fifteen “MAYBE”. Well, they’ll go on my TBR pile.
I have spent a lot of time this month on a new AI tool that will pull all the books from the book club sites as of a certain early date, then give me an updated list for the month, include options from BestSeller lists, and because it is the computer doing it not me, it will also pull a bunch of other data for my consideration like ratings, Amazon summaries, even a prediction based on my previous books and ratings as to whether I’m likely to say yes or no, thus flagging ones up front that clearly meet my normal criteria. And then throws it into an evergreen Excel spreadsheet, and keeps track of every pick I’ve made now going back 16 months so at the end of this year, when I review the list of book clubs, I can see if it is worth keeping all of them on the list if many of them end up being “no”. Reducing the noise, upping the signal. I also suspect I’m going to move to a 3-tiered system other than YES and MAYBE. Maybe something more like ABSOLUTELY, YES WITH TIME, and TAKE A CHANCE.
YES:
The Roaring Ridleys, K.M. Colley
Ways to Find Yourself, Angela Brown
The Fountain, Casey, Scieszka x 2
Blood Bound, Ellis Hunter
Mad Mabel, Salley Hepworth
Powerless, Lauren Roberts
The Ending Writes Itself, Evelyn Clarke
The Dark Time, Nick Petrie
This Story Might Save Your Life, Tiffany Crum
The Tainted Cup, Robert Jackson Bennett
MAYBE:
Wake-up Calls, Mariah Stewart
Yesteryear, Caro Claire Burke x 2
An Arcane Inheritance, Kamilah Cole
To Cage A Wild Bird, Brooke Fast
The Wrath & The Dawn, Renée Ahdieh
Here In The Sky, Daniel H. Wilson
The Lost Daughter of Sparta, Felicia Day
The Tapestry of Time, Kate Heartfield
Upward Bound, Woody Brown
The Colour of Magic, Terry Pratchett
Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
Leviathan Falls by James S. A. Corey
Into the Blue, Emma Brodie
The Kind Worth Killing, Peter Swanson
The Saint of Thieves, Dana Haynes
Book Club
Book title & author
Brief Description
Yes/no for me
Amazon First Reads
Lift Me Up, Milly Johnson
Short romance story, transformation sparked by a man complimenting her?
NO
When The Storm Passes, Manuel Loureiro
Possibly haunted island in winter
NO
Where the Sea Lavender Grows, Kitty Johnson
Old mystery and new romance while restoring a house
NO
The Dead Room, Catriona McPherson
Potentially supernatural hometown warping memory and reality
NO
Wake-Up Calls, Mariah Stewart
Inheritance, old camp, secret of her mom’s and aunt’s life
MAYBE
The Roaring Ridleys, K.M. Colley
Speakeasies, murder and family secrets
YES
The Last Sunday in May, Kate Clark Stone
Last chance at Indy 500 for female driver
NO
The Final System, Anthony Tardiff
Rise of the machine/AI
NO
Ways to Find Yourself, Angela Brown
Woman goes back to summer coast and meets younger versions of herself
YES
Kimi the Ballerina, Korey Watari
Young ballerina tries basketball
NO
Audacious
Black. Single. Mother., Jamilah Lemieux
NF about black single motherhood
NO
Barnes & Noble
Mothers and Other Strangers, Corey Ann Haydu
Childhood friends separate when mothers fall out, rekindle later when pregnant
NO
BBC Radio 2
Under Water, Tara Menon
Young girl learns to survive loss as she ages
NO
Belletrist
The Fountain, Casey Scieszka
An immortal woman wants to know how she became immortal so she can die
YES
Black Men Read
Decent People, De’Shawn Charles Winslow
Investigating murder in race-segregated North Carolina
NO
Book of the Month
Molka, Monika Kim
Spycam scandal in Korea
NO
Blood Bound, Ellis Hunter
A scheduled duel between witches and royals, dragons, and a rebellion
YES
Mad Mabel, Sally Hepworth
Old lady who murders was a young lady who murdered
YES
Annie Knows Everything, Rachel Wood
Sister can’t manage her own life, but will manage others once she gets her stuff together
NO
Porcupines, Fran Fabrickzki
A daughter in sixth grade wants to know her past from a reluctant and odd mom
NO
Yesteryear, Caro Claire Burke
Fake rustic farmhouse influencer wakes up in real farmhouse life
MAYBE
What Am I, A Deer?
Young woman starts working at gaming company
NO
Native Son, Richard Wright
Downward spiral in 1930s Black America
NO
Everyday Reading Book Club
Powerless, Lauren Roberts
Medieval realm with the powered and mundanes
YES
Good Housekeeping
The Fountain, Casey Scieszka
An immortal woman wants to know how she became immortal so she can die
YES – REPEAT
Good Morning America
Yesteryear, Caro Claire Burke
Fake rustic farmhouse influencer wakes up in real farmhouse life
MAYBE – REPEAT
Good Morning America: YA
Legendborn, Tracy Deonn
Arthurian legend, modern North Carolina
ALREADY READ
Good Reads (Mystery, Crime, Thriller Group)
The Quiet Mother, Arnaldur Indridason
Iceland in the 70s
NO
Such Quiet Girls, Noelle W. Ihli
Bus of kids doesn’t make it home
NO
I Care About Books
Beartooth, Callan Wink
Desperate brothers living off-grid next to Yellowstone
NO
Jack Carr
Jaws, Peter Benchley
Large shark, summer beach crowd
NO — Read long ago
Anthony Jeselnik
Dept of Speculation, Jenny Offill
Reexamining a relationship from start to current
NO
Jewish Book Council: NF
As a Jew, Sarah Hurwitz
Woman’s look at history of modern Judaism and anti-semitism
NO
Jewish Book Council: F
DOG, Yishay Ishi Ron
PTSD after Gaza
NO
Katie Couric
James, Percival Everett
Huck and Jim, without Huck and from James’ point of view
NO
Late Show
London Falling, Patrick Radden Keefe
NF search into reasons for son’s apparent suicide
NO
Library Science
Ruins, Child, Giada Scodellaro
Six women living in rundown apartment tower
NO
Main Street Reads – Fab Fantasy
An Arcane Inheritance, Kamilah Cole
College and magic, and potentially wiped memories
MAYBE
MSR – Thrill in the ‘ville
Warning Signs, Tracy Sierra
Wilderness thriller, boy with father clients, and a creature
NO – REPEAT
MSR – Kids
Lola, Karla Arenas Valenti
Magical trees and dying brother
NO
MSR – Kiss & Tell Romance
To Cage a Wild Bird, Brooke Fast
Bounty hunter goes in brutal prison in dystopian future to save brother
MAYBE
MSR – Books & Banter
Lake Effect: A Novel, Cynthia D’Aprix Sweeney
Sexual awakening in ’77 with consequences for teenage daughter when adult
NO – Repeat
Mindy’s Book Studio
As Far As She Knew, Diana Awad
Arab husband dies, had unknown second house, why?
NO – Repeat
Mocha Girls Read
The Wrath & The Dawn, Renée Ahdieh
Bpy-King chooses new bride every night and kills next day, but girl wants to solve puzzle
MAYBE
Natalie Portman
The Roots of Heaven, Romain Gary
Save the elephants
NO
Native American
n/a but March is now out: Hole in the Sky, Daniel H. Wilson
First contact with an Indigenous lens
MAYBE
Oprah 2.0
Go Gentle, Maria Semple
Contented life upended by desire
NO
PBS Book Readers
Wildling, Isabella Tree
Rewilding project
NO
Poisoned Pen – Cozy Crimes
The Ending Writes Itself, Evelyn Clarke
Six authors on remote island
YES
PP – British Crime
The Secrets of the Abbey, Jean-Luc Bannalec
Omens of death before an aunt dies and team investigates
NO
PP – First Mystery
n/a
PP – Crime Collectors
The Dark Time, Nick Petrie
Soldier bodyguard protects journalist and daughter
YES
PP – Historical
Death Times Seven, Anne Perry
Last Daniel Pitt novel, trial of man accused of rape & murder
NO – Maybe later
PP – Notable new fiction
The Lost Daughter of Sparta, Felicia Day
Fourth Troy sister survived Aphrodite’s curse
MAYBE
PP – Hardboiled/noir
A Violent Masterpiece, Jordan Harper
Investigation into LA’s seedier side
NO
PP – Romance
Happy Ending, Chloe Liese
Fake romance to friends to something more
NO
PP – Historical
The Tapestry of Time, Kate Heartfield
Two sisters with strong perception or perhaps some abilities fight Nazi plans
MAYBE
Read with Jenna
Upward Bound, Woody Brown
Glee club for an adult daycare for LA’s disabled community
MAYBE
Reader’s Digest
This Story Might Save Your Life, Tiffany Crum
Survival podcaster goes missing, cohost is suspect
YES – Repeat
Reddit /BookClub
The Tainted Cup, Robert Jackson Bennett
If Nero and Sherlock had a child who was a medieval detective investigating magical deaths
YES
My Friends, Hisham Matar
SS transforms man’s life, goes abroad, meets author, rebels in Libya
NO
Some People Need Killing: A Memoir of Murder in My Country, Patricia Evangelista
Philippines war on drugs
NO
The Colour of Magic, Terry Pratchett
Discworld #1
MAYBE
Bel Canto by Ann Patchett
Hostage taking, mitigated by music
NO
Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
Two labourers trying to build a life
MAYBE
Song of Solomon by Toni Morisson
Story of Milkman, coming of age story for Black man
NO
The Currents of Space by Isaac Asimov
Two worlds, one of power and the other of slavery, with scientist with wiped memory
NO
Finding My Way by Malala Yousafzai
Memoir
NO
A Little Hatred by Joe Abercrombie
Machine vs. magic
NO
The Ladies of Grace Adieu and Other Stories by Susanna Clarke
SSs of land of enchantment with fairies intervening in historical lives
NO
Children of Strife by Adrian Tchaikovsky
Generations, space arks, terraforming, and innovating scientists
NO
Leviathan Falls by James S. A. Corey
Last book of Expanse series
MAYBE LATER
De Profundis by Oscar Wilde
Letter writen during imprisonment
NO
Reese
Into the Blue, Emma Brodie
From video store clerk to actor to love interest
MAYBE
Richard and Judy
n/a Spring picks were out last month
Secret Chapter Mystery (Cumberland)
The Kind Worth Killing, Peter Swanson
Flirty strangers on a plane plot to kill the man’s wife
MAYBE
Service 95
Jerusalem, Jez Butterworth
Play set on morning of county fair
NO
Stacks Book Club
Room Swept Home, Remica Bingham-Risher
Poetry about two ancestors meeting over trauma
NO
Sunnie Reads
n/a
Sunriver – Fiction
Super Sonic, Thomas Kohnstamm
History of a Seattle neighbourhood through the years
NO
Sunriver – Mystery
The Saint of Thieves, Dana Haynes
Organized vigilante team take on the bad guys
MAYBE
TeaTime
Under Water, Tara Menon
Young girl learns to survive loss as she ages
NO – Repeat
Zibby’s Book Club
No One You Know, Emma Tourtelot
Curated mother’s life and bond with daughter start to crumble with daughter’s loss of a friend
By now, most people have seen some form of AI crop up in their tools. The most obvious one is Google’s search engine, which provides results from its AI mode first in the list. You can go pretty far with that prompt, even asking for image creation, although that’s a terrible place to create images (full imaging tools aren’t really available in AI search engine mode).
In my case, I’ve used it for some research here and there, often against a framework I had in mind. More recently, I’ve had it helping me “test” some frameworks. I design a framework for something I’m building or writing, I outline it and paste the outline into AI, and ask it to challenge the framework from the perspective of say gender equity, under-represented groups, or literacy levels. Something more than a grammar check, something less than a full AI partner. When it’s done, I decide if I want to change anything in my approach.
But I’ve discovered some recurring oddities. Not necessarily bugs, just aspects of LLM-based tools that attempt to translate what I’ve said into something concrete.
Time Loops
About three months ago, I was testing Google’s tools to create an image. I eventually moved to ChatGPT to do the same. And both tools had the same problem.
I input a bunch of prompts. Created some sample images. Iterated a few things. All good. Then I told it to “tweak the image” in a certain way, and it said, “Okay, here you go.” But it was the same as the previous image. There was no “change” or iteration.
Okay, I thought, random glitch. Please regenerate the image with the following changes. Enter, whirr, ding. Same image. Huh?
I would then tell the AI that it gave me the same image again. Apologies, whirling indicator, bam! New image, same as the old. No matter what I did, it would not give me anything else.
It felt like a giant glitch. Or Groundhog Day. No matter what I did, same result. I couldn’t get out of the loop.
At the time, I had NO idea what was happening. Was it me? Was it the AI? Was it my browser?
I now realize it’s essentially a memory issue. Each chat in certain tools has an amount of “context” memory built into it. Once that’s full, loops start happening. Things bog down. In some tools, it will say, “Hey, I need to compact, okay?” and it will crunch your chat and go, “all ready!”. Except you have no control over what it ditched. Images perhaps? Instructions you definitely needed it to remember? Gone. In other tools, it compacts without even telling you.
The AI experts advise that where you had it generate a lot of “assets” (pictures, documents, etc.), it’s better to start your next phase with a clean prompt. You can cheat, though … if you ask an AI tool for a “handover” note, it will generate one you can prompt into the next chat, while it quietly fades into an ignored chat window. Waiting to see if you ever come back.
Google AI mode and ChatGPT seem terrible for this. I hit a lot of loop walls quickly. Gemini wasn’t so bad, but I think that was one of the ones that just compacted on its own. I actually prompted it a few times to save just to be safe. Claude, by contrast, doesn’t seem to have ANY of that happening. It hasn’t got stuck in a loop, and I haven’t seen it compressing/compacting/deleting anything yet.
PolyWogg 0, AI -25.
Technical support
One use case people recommend for AI is technical support. I’ve had four experiences using AI as technical support, and it has done a couple of things okay-to-well, and bombed on others.
The first bomb was on support in a program called mIRC. The IRC part of that is for Internet Relay Chat, and mIRC has been my go-to tool for online chatting since the late ’90s, when I used to be really into it. I have a couple of specific uses for it now, and I installed a couple of plugins recently to automate some stuff. Great, except they didn’t work QUITE the way I wanted, and the default display was in 9-point font. So, I asked ChatGPT how to tweak the mIRC settings for what I wanted.
One of the first things I told it was that I was using version 7.8.3. It has changed interfaces over the years, as well as command structures, so old commands won’t work; just like the voicemail messages say, “Please listen closely to the following options as our menu items have changed.” Okay, ChatGPT said, in its oh-so-confident way, that setting the display font to 16 points was super easy. It gave me a simple command, I entered it, and Bam! Error message. mIRC had no idea what that command was.
I told ChatGPT, it said, “Oh, right, sorry, yes, it’s done THIS way.” Another command, same error. “Oops, let’s do it through the menus, guaranteed to work. Click on DCC / Options / Display / Fonts”. Except there is no DISPLAY option under options. The menus have changed. Took me a while to find where fonts were. Made the change. No help really from chat, I just found the setting. Great.
Except no change. It would change the font for the chat window, but not the popup windows that I needed to tweak. Back to ChatGPT. Reminding it that I was in 7.8.3. Oops, it told me, the instructions were for version 4.3 or something archaic. What? Why? I specifically told you NOT to show me guesses, and to ONLY show me solutions that were validated for 7.8.3. It politely informed me that it hadn’t guessed; it had “INFERRED”.
And thus began my long descent into a deep rabbit hole with AI along for the ride, digging small tunnels ahead of me.
I knew the change could be done, that it wasn’t rocket science, and that I wouldn’t figure it out on my own. I knew just enough to know that either the default font or the plugin font was set too low. No other way for it to be wrong. I knew, therefore, Dr. Watson, that I could either fix the original setting, find a way to override the setting automatically, find a way to change it manually after the fact, or ignore it completely. As time wore on, that last option grew increasingly attractive.
To be fair, mIRC isn’t exactly a commercial application like Microsoft Word. It doesn’t have millions of users. And a user plugin within mIRC? That has even less information about it.
Yet each time I asked a question, the AI tool would say, “Oh, I know how to do that!” Except it never did. It couldn’t find where the default font was set, although I later figured out that it wouldn’t matter, it was the plugin font that was the problem. And it couldn’t figure out how to change fonts AT ALL. Nor could I. I opened EVERY file that came with the plugin. Lots of stuff for settings in the pop-up window, but nowhere where it had a font setting. It seems to be hardcoded in the plugin, alas.
I was undaunted. I knew that if I couldn’t do the first two options, I could at least set it after it loaded. Because I could go into the menu, choose Options / Preferences / Fonts / Font choice. Or something equivalent. It took about 5 clicks to get to where I wanted to change the font. But then if another window opened, I had to edit that one too — another 5 clicks.
None of the options AI suggested worked. Auto-load commands, mIRC scripts — none of them worked — and mostly ended up with the AI tool telling me, “Oh, it would have worked if you were using an older version.” WHICH I TOLD IT NOT TO DO! Grumble, grumble.
I found a workaround — I forced the font menu onto the taskbar manually and then told it to stay there forever; now when the pop-up shows up in 9-point font, I can click the taskbar, the menu opens, I change the font to 16 to 20 points, and it’s done. Super easy, two clicks.
PolyWogg 1, AI -25.
Drifting back to shore
This is a newer version of the loop problem. At least, it seems like it is the same sort of error.
I was trying to get Claude to do an image for me. I wanted to create a badge, with an embroidered edge. All of the AI tools take different approaches to images; some work in specific types of image scenarios, others in different scenarios, and others? Well, some don’t work at all.
Claude NAILED the first part of the badge problem. It gave me a perfect ring on the first try, which none of the other tools did (it uses SVG vectors to handle the geometry, hence why it was so accurate). But when it tried to do the embroidery, it failed completely. Nothing it did looked like embroidery.
I scrapped that idea, moved on. About 40 minutes later, out of nowhere, its attempts at embroidery showed up again in the margins. I was like, “Huh? Did I paste an old prompt?”. So I asked it why it included embroidery in that version. It told me because I asked for it earlier, and the algorithm forgot that I said no to it, so it went back and did it again. It had “drifted” back to the earlier setup. A little weird, so I had it add a prompt component that said very clearly, NO EMBROIDERY ELEMENTS. About 20 minutes later, working much further down in the model, the embroidery attempt came back. I checked the prompt; it clearly said no embroidery. So I asked again, “How?”.
This was a second type of drift. It had analyzed the prompt. And because I had asked for embroidery before (positive inclusion) and now was excluding it (negative inclusion), the fact that I had mentioned it at all was interpreted as positive inclusion. It ignored the “NO” part. I suddenly felt like I was working at Foreign Affairs back in the old days of TELEXes where you couldn’t afford for a word to be missed so you would type NO/NO to make sure one of the “NOs” made it through. I didn’t try that with Claude, because it was now a VERY long chat, Claude was getting on in digital minutes/years, and showing signs of confusion. I reset and started with a new chat, no mention of embroidery. It never showed up again.
I couldn’t find a way around it, other than using new chats. Not sure that’s a win.
PolyWogg 0, AI -2.
That’s the bad news. I was going to write about the tips it gave me for GIMP, but that’s a mixed bag, not all bad. And what really excites me is all the good things it’s done for me. That’s the next post. 🙂
I wrote earlier this week (Using Calibre to embrace my inner librarian for ebooks) about the Poly Library 3.0, and when I did, I thought I had most of my “work” done. I had decided on three main areas (the book profile, user engagement, and user tools), although, truth be told, I had four categories that were more easily explained as three…I feel like some of the user engagement and user tools could theoretically be separated into a fourth category, but I digress. I had also decided on about 35 new basic fields, though that number will grow once I start adding visual icon fields, etc.
But I asked some other questions on the Calibre sub-Reddit, and the answers sent me scurrying into lots of different additional areas. Squirrel mode activated! Albeit in (mostly) a good way. 🙂
In the meantime, I dropped about 1500 books off at Value Village today. My paper library is almost decimated. I still have about 400 or so, but the rest? Gone. A project I’ve been wanting to do since 1998. Just finally had the chance to do it properly over the last few weeks with more time at home with Jacob. Now it’s on cleaning up my ebook library. Oooh, and a friend dropped by last night with his daughter and took about 50 books away with them. Not counting the one I gave to a friend across town last month, and about 10 that went to Jacob and Andrea’s library. I would love to have had time to find new homes for all the individual books, but hopefully readers will find them at VV.
Some basic structural things to work out
One of the first things I need to look at is “nested hierarchies”. For example, if I used FICTION and NON-FICTION as level 1 tags, I could then have a subset of tags under FICTION for the different categories. Similarly, another set could sit under NON-FICTION. The ideal part of that is it makes things really easy to do subsets together. All fiction? Easy. Biography only under Non-Fiction? Easy. Historical fiction AND biography? Two clicks instead of one. This feeds into a larger problem I’ll discuss at the end, though.
Secondly, I need to figure out what I’m doing for Icons for various tags — rather than a field that simply shows FICTION, I’ll likely add an icon that shows Fiction vs. Non-Fiction…maybe a magic wand for fiction and a # sign for non-fiction or something. I have lots of choices, and the actual icon choices can come later, but for now, I need to start thinking WHICH fields will also have a second field with an icon to represent that category. That way I can hide the column in a larger set and JUST show the icon instead. Even for something like # of words, I’m tempted to use a series of icons for thicker and thicker books depending on a range of sizes. Oddly, enough, as some of these are formulas to do different things, I also have some other formulas I want to include. For example, some of the basic metadata uses “dates” for things where I don’t need the actual date with day and month, just a year. Do I care what day of the year a book was added to the database? Nope. Not usually. Do I care what day of the year a book was published. Almost never, and it isn’t often accurate. The day of the year I wrote a review? Probably not the DAY, but yes, probably the month and year. Maybe even similarly for when I read stuff, although that might be more about current reads than old reads. I have no idea when about 300 books were read more than just approximate year, but they’re all in my pending review folder. Or at least they used to be before I borked everything. 🙂 Hence the opportunity.
Third, I probably need to make a hard couple of decisions about how I’m integrating my Library output into my WordPress site. Right now, I have 7 custom fields that sit at the bottom of all my reviews on my website. They’re hidden, you can’t see them, but they generate all the links on my other pages to see books by publication, by BR #, genre, author, etc. Most of that is also directly recorded in Calibre, and to some extent, an even larger consideration with OneNote so I don’t lose text. But…what if…instead…hmm. Yeah, I *could* put all that data into a slightly different format in Calibre, add TablePress into the Website for all completed reviews, and bob’s your uncle, I could generate a full data dump (about 300 books worth of metadata) in a limited form into a CSV format and paste into the TablePress plugin, which would then update all the data across the site. It wouldn’t solve all of my integration needs, maybe a third. It would, however, stop me from having to code any page with extra metadata to generate the links. I’d lose a bit of functionality, but the TablePress tables DO allow for easy filtering and searching. Hmmm…
Another third of that integration question is whether I do anything with my reviews. Currently, my reviews are built on (mostly) four big sections — plot/premise, what I liked, what I didn’t like, and a one-line review. There’s a fifth piece for some around disclosure, and then we also have elements around the rating, etc. If I include the coding above, call it 11-13 fields or so. If I’m going to redo this from the ground up, why not build the review format I want directly INTO Calibre and add custom views that would show me the whole review in HTML? Ready for pasting into the website or elsewhere?
The last 1/3 of that little integration puzzle is if there is anything I should be considering around “up next” or “currently reading” or even just a list of all the authors I have in my larger database (the list is huge). I don’t know if I want it “public” per se, but I do like the idea that somewhere online I have a simple list of all the books in my database. Some people run it as a server and can see all their books online anytime they want. But I don’t want the actual books, not really. I just want a version of the larger list. Sure, in theory, I’d love my entire database online, but then it is tempting to start sharing, opening it up to friends, encouraging piracy, etc. Nope, my books. FOR BOOK HALLA! (the cry of a Book Goblin)
I may need to re-learn how to read
Okay, that’s a small joke, as what I really mean is that I need to think a little bit about the process of getting books from my computer to the readers (I have two main ones) and back again.
Here’s the thing. I have a lot of ebooks in different formats. Many of my older non-fiction books came from various sources, often in PDF format. I could try converting them to epub for better reading on my Kindle, but sometimes they have diagrams that would look way better on a larger tablet. Which I now have, after repurposing a Galaxy Tab S2 with a 9.7″ screen (separate posts incoming!). Except that I also want to annotate some of my reading as I go. You know, highlighting and stuff? I have an easy way to do that on the tablet. BUT then how do you get those comments back into Calibre and saved without having to re-add the book? Oh, right. An option that may link into my third big area. Another element to think about.
For Kindle, it is relatively okay. When I sync with Calibre and then potentially run a plugin called annotations, it will look to see if any of the books on the Kindle have annotations/highlights/notes/etc, and import them into Calibre. Needs some tweaking and streamlining for setup, and I might have to do some things in a specific way, as I read, but it works.
Yet again, though, there is an element of WHICH books go on the Kindle that relate to the third element that I have to work out in the last section.
I found some tips and tricks online that were really interesting, and something I never would have thought of on my own. Let’s say I create a field that has Private Detective, Amateur and Police as three types of mystery stories. The navigation sidebar will let me have an option where I can click on those values and see all the private detective books, amateur detective books, and police detective books separately. A filter, if you will. Except until you have a book in the library that USES each of those categories, you only see the options that are already populated. If I only have one book that is tagged private detective, and no amateur or police books, those two headings don’t show up at all. It’s not only “0”, it just doesn’t show as an option. So someone came up with a fabulous trick. They create a dummy book they call DO NOT DELETE — DUMMY BOOK and they include ALL the possible tags in it. Which means that every category will contain at least one book. The dummy one. This is INCREDIBLY useful when doing initial intake, and I wish I knew it YEARS ago.
The same user described another workflow issue that I had never given much thought to, to be honest. Let’s say the final profile of the book has maybe 70 fields. I don’t normally populate ANY of the extra fields until I’m done and going to do the review. By contrast, a lot of people tidy up all the metadata before they add it to their main library, which makes perfect sense. One challenge with downloading data later is that tag fields are filled with everyone else’s tags, whether accurate or not, and added to your main library; if you clean it first, your main library remains more uniform.
Oddly enough, I also loved one of the user’s metaphors for their workflow. They called their “intake” area “DECON” where they cleaned up all the data. Then, when they moved it to their main library, they call that Alexandria. That’s quite cute in my view. Not sure what I’m going to use, but I’ll think of something. Even if I use virtual libraries and put the metaphorical titles there.
Another user has customized their “intake/decon” process so that any book added to their library not only gets all the fields, but forces a number of them into default levels. I just left them blank, without thinking too much about it. Even “Intake” was often me taking a whole bunch of books that had NO TAG at all for workflow and moving them to INTAKE. But I could just say, “Hey, any book added that doesn’t have a WORKFLOW tag automatically gets the WORKFLOW tag set to INTAKE. Would have saved some steps in many cases.
I’m intrigued by another user who has a library of books they still want to GET. No files, just the name and author and why they want it or where they heard about it, some sort of note field. I don’t see the advantage of that over a simple note list, other than sorting. You’d end up doing a lot of metadata for a record that will likely later disappear unless you merge it with the file, I suppose. I don’t know, it sounds redundant to me, so I asked them for more details on how they use it. I like the idea of a list of books that I don’t have yet, particularly for series.
As an aside, reading through the Calibre subReddit is fascinating to see how people create their own workflows and metadata, plus icons and colour coding (I don’t know how to colour code columns yet). I don’t yet know if I will use any of them, but here are some examples:
People with a “read” status that I would think was simply “To be read” and “Read”…nope, they’ve added Unread, Read, Read enough, Try again, Do Not Finish;
For variations on that one, they often add a second tag with status like To Read, Up Next, On Hold, Reading, Finished, Abandoned, Reference (I use a few of those);
Another user created a “vibe” category for their “Next” books to read… sounds fine, but then they listed all the steps they take, which weren’t minimalist, and then said, “They like to keep it simple!!”;
A surprising number of readers have added columns for the number of times they have read a book…Jacob would benefit from this dramatically, having read several of his series multiple times, even the huge ones, but I am out of time for age — I am not going to reread anything new again…I might revisit some old books I read, but I doubt anything new will get re-read before I die!;
I thought I was done playing with my metadata field choices, but well, you are never “done” in librarianship, right?
Deep breath, talk about the elephant in the library
Sooooo, there’s a small basic question that I haven’t answered yet. How many libraries will I have in Calibre?
For those who don’t understand Calibre or ebook software, full libraries are kind of like having different rooms. You might keep all your biographies, for example, in your study next to your reading chair and fireplace. Things you read more slowly on a cold winter’s night. And then, perhaps, you have contemporary stuff in the family room, more light-hearted fare that you pick up and down at will.
For me, the big division starts with the simple distinction between Fiction and Non-Fiction. But it quickly devolves into other questions. In my previous library, a single room to hold all the books, I had the equivalent of separate bookcases in the room that were divided by workflow. Not unlike a real library. There was shipping/receiving, where the books arrived and were placed on a shelf (called Intake). Then, I would put them in a general sort between Fiction and Non-fiction as I read those in very different ways, and at different frequencies. But then, as I started to “process” them to add to the library, I would put them into sub-categories so all the mysteries were together, perhaps with standalone books sitting differently from books in a series. Almost like moving them to other bookcases. Followed by active bookcases when I actually started to put them in my TBR pile on my Kindle. Sorted even more granularly on my Kindle, with subcategories for Mystery, Fantasy, Non-fiction, Contemporary, Other, etc. Plus a folder for READING RIGHT NOW (not actually called that, but basically I have 300 books on the Kindle, with no real order to follow in advance other than what strikes my fancy when I finish one and start another, but they can’t ALL be in the same folder, that’s just crazy talk). And then when I was done, I had a separate workflow for NOT YET REVIEWED and another two for FINISHED – FICTION and FINISHED – NON-FICTION. Plus others for reference or DNF (did not finish), although often as not, I just delete those.
Here’s where the rumble starts. Some Calibre users are very much of the Texas Rangers motto, “One riot, one Ranger,” and have a “One reader, one library” approach. Others are more into separating things into libraries by likely either workflow or subject matter…more of a “A place for every book and each book in the right place” approach. And then there are the alternately simplistic or sophisticated users who go with a hybrid approach called “virtual libraries”.
I say simplistic, as many who like the virtual libraries model also like to have hundreds of possible tags to sort things in metadata anyway they can. So, for example, if they read To Kill A Mockingbird, they would likely tag multiple sub-categories, with something like “American, literature, classic, law, lawyer, coming-of-age, fiction, racism, history, trial, YA” and then play with various virtual libraries for some of those, like an applied filter to an open-ended keyword search. So, for example, a virtual library containing all the law-related books. For many, they see it as the best of all worlds — a giant library with a way to only “see” the books in certain preset categories. Sounds great. But they often find after a bit of use that they have one library but are starting to use some of the virtuals almost like workflows…there’s almost no benefit to the “virtual” side over separating into distinct, more manageable, smaller libraries. If I use the Kindle as the example, my “active list” of books on my Kindle exceeds 300. That’s ridiculous. I’m not going to read 300 this year, not even the next five years, so wouldn’t it make more sense to prioritize that into smaller libraries of what is ACTUALLY active and likely to be read this month, even if only to improve my Kindle management? Or my tablet for non-fiction.
I also say sophisticated as some have come up with really good reasons for using virtual libraries, not the least of which is a library for a specific reader. If I take a book like Anne of Green Gables, that one’s relatively easy. I don’t have a big interest in it, nor Jacob, so if I wanted to put it in a separate library for “Andrea’s books”, that would make sense. Alternatively, I might have Harry Potter, which all three of us have read. So, would I put that in a “shared library” or put it in each of our libraries, duplicating it three times? Or one copy as if it was MINE, and the other two would only “borrow” it (more about ownership).
For me, I am strongly attached to the separate library model. I love the workflow aspects of it. But then I run into a problem almost immediately. Let’s say I’m reading Ben Aaronovitch’s Rivers of London series, recommended by our friend Paul (that’s not an euphemism for me; it really is a friend called Paul!). I’ve read and reviewed three of them so far. Three more are still in the “to be reviewed” stage. Another four are, I think, in the TBR pile. So if I want to see the whole series, they would be in potentially at least three separate libraries. If I see a book on sale, and I want to see if I have it or “need” it towards a series, I can’t easily do a search of all the libraries. The virtual library lets you do a SUBSET of your main library, not combine multiple libraries. To me, that would be the ideal — separate libraries and then one ring to rule them all and in the darkness bind them. Alas, that doesn’t work.
As a result of many of the little elements already mentioned above, I need to decide almost at the beginning which way I am going to go — separate, main, or main with virtuals. For example, if I went with intake, that would need most of the initial fields for the book profile, but almost NONE of the other fields in the full set. If I then separate into FICTION or NON-FICTION libraries, then fiction doesn’t need the NF categories and NF doesn’t need the Fiction categories. If I eventually have a “reviewing” library, I only need to start adding the review fields at that stage. The final library probably has all of the fields, although some of the process stages might even disappear then, too.
And it creates a dilemma for me. The fact that I couldn’t search across all libraries at once was enough of a pain that I would occasionally search my TBR for a new book I saw, not see it, and buy it … again. Because I had already downloaded it and stored it in another library. By contrast, having everything in one library is how I borked the current tagging. Separate libraries would have prevented that specific issue BUT I could still bork it other ways, just as easily.
Decisions, decisions. And honestly, using virtual libraries doesn’t REALLY help that much. My workflow tags were the equivalent of a virtual library anyway, as I forced SINGLE options into that field. I wouldn’t let the book be tagged as both INTAKE and a TBR category, for instance. Clicking on one sub heading essentially gave me an instant virtual library anyway. Actual virtual libraries are usually designed to be MORE complicated than that, but also allows you to use multi-book commands on the sub-library without combining them with a search. Just click on the virtual, it’ll show everything for intake, and bob’s your uncle. You can even set custom views, so that all the other fields will be hidden. However, you CANNOT have separate field lists for the book itself — if the total number of fields is 145 across all the various workflows, it will have all 145 in all of the books. This increases the size of your database, but not problematically in this day and age of cheap storage.
I’ll have to figure this out pretty soon. Interestingly, there are a bunch of people who suggested not to decide. Just play with it, merge or separate later. Except I do have a big problem up front. It’s the process I mentioned for reading non-fiction books. If all the books are in one library, then that whole library generally has to be located in the exact same place. Think of it as a master root folder for all the subbooks organized by author and then by books. A file structure on the PC drive, if you will. Except that creates a problem for annotations on NF books on my tablet. If I DL the books to the tablet, read them, annotate them, and then want to save the annotations, most of the solutions involve re-uploading that annotated file BACK into the library. Not the cleanest of solutions. However, if non-fiction is a SEPARATE library, AND I choose to save the library in cloud storage like OneDrive, then any changes I make to the file will directly go to the saved file in Calibre. It’s the same file. All annotations automatically in. All saved. Great, right? Except then I can’t have a merged library AND I don’t actually keep the original without annotations.
Somewhere in there, my brain just exploded. Maybe it’s because it is too late at night.
Regardless? Deciding on virtual vs. physical libraries is job one.
For those of you who don’t know, as I didn’t blog about this much before, Jacob decided to have surgery on his legs this year, which he did at the end of February. I’ve held off posting anything as I didn’t want to ask Jacob what he was comfortable with me sharing, but today was a big day, and he was feeling magnanimous, perhaps, but he said I could blog away; he didn’t care. So, here I am.
For simple context, Jacob both has and doesn’t have cerebral palsy. Officially, he doesn’t have CP…he has “spastic diplegia of unknown origin that presents as CP”. If we’re talking to medical people, that’s the diagnosis; if we’re talking with laypeople, he has CP. In reality, what he has are really tight hamstrings, heel cords, and various other leg muscles. CP generally is caused by a break in some circuitry connections in the brain. It often occurs in utero; it could be a virus, or a hundred other things. Often no outward signs, but the connection is “broken”. Two wires are not connected, and so his body tells his legs to tighten. And that signal never stops. It is ALWAYS on. When he was a kid, he had ankle-foot orthotics, did serial casting, lots of physio, all designed to help him relax the tone in his legs. But it isn’t something you can “fix”, just something you can treat. If you do an MRI on the heads of CP kids, they can find the break. Except Jacob’s MRI is unremarkable. Which isn’t an insult; it just means they can’t see a break. Hence, they call it spastic diplegia rather than CP, since they can’t find a break.
In recent years, it has meant that his left foot sits flat when he stands or walks, maybe slightly turned in, and his right foot pronates strongly, so he mostly walks on his toes on that foot. Not the most stable or efficient of gaits, and so his body fights against itself when he’s walking, tiring him out faster than average and reducing his endurance. We also suspect that it contributes to his chronic pains and dizziness, but only time will tell.
We have talked about potential surgery for Jacob since he was about 5 or 6. For serious CP, it may not make much difference for some. For others, it can make a huge difference. For mild CP, the same. Every patient’s prognosis is different. In Jacob’s case, they considered five things.
The biggest surgery is called Selective Dorsal Rhizotomy (SDR). Since his brain is telling his legs to tighten, the SDR surgery interrupts the signal by kind of burning out the connections in his back, so his brain can’t tell his legs to tighten in the same way. You break the circuit. But it’s a pretty big surgery, and if it goes wrong, he’s instantly paralyzed, likely for life. Scary AF. But it is routinely done in the U.S., with significant benefits for patients. Of course, it takes almost a year to regain the mobility you had before, as you have to learn to walk again. In Ontario, the rehab is only offered in Toronto as inpatient care for three months. A pretty big commitment. If it had been offered in Ottawa, Jacob likely would have gone for it. I’m almost glad it isn’t easily available in Ottawa; I would have had way more stress as it approached.
The next biggest surgery is femoral derotation. Basically, turning your hips back to square. CP kids frequently end up with their hips out of the socket joint or not sitting right, at least, in the socket, because they have to constantly adjust their bodies to adapt to the “always on” tone. Jacob felt this was “too much”, and the surgeons weren’t convinced it would make a significant difference for him anyway. He decided no.
The next two go hand-in-hand. They use surgical techniques to lengthen the hamstrings and the heel cords. If you think of it simply, if you put a short rubber band between a post and a peg, and it stretches really tightly, that would be Jacob’s muscles. If you increase the length of the band somehow, it isn’t stretched as tightly. So even if the brain says “tighten”, it isn’t massively tightening a short band, it’s moderately tightening a longer band.
If you’re squeamish, you might want to skip this paragraph (and the next one). The surgeon explained it as being a bit like a sausage. If you grab a sausage in its case and try to stretch it, it won’t do anything. The case protects the overall length and gives it structure. On the other hand, if you slice into the sausage and then try to stretch it, it WILL stretch. Jacob’s hamstrings and heel cords were the sausage in this metaphor. Two large incisions and slicing, and instant longer hamstrings. Well, maybe not INSTANT, since the surgery took five hours, but I digress.
Lastly, they made two incisions in his left foot to reduce his foot’s tendency to rotate inward, with one on the side and one underneath.
Making the decision
As I said, Jacob decided. He has been on-board with doing “something” since he was about 10 or 11, and he is about to turn 17. He was about 12 or 13 when we went in for a bigger “planning” exam, where we heard a bit more about rehab. I was asking about the recovery period, as I knew he would have walking casts. I asked, “So, like how much help will he need?” Mostly, I wanted to know whether he would need help going to the bathroom. The surgeon blithely said, “Oh no, he won’t need much help, most just swing over from the wheelchair easy enough.” Jacob’s head snapped around and glared at me. It was the first time anyone had mentioned he would use a wheelchair for ANY of the recovery period. I thought that would kill things right there as Jacob’s quite proud of never needing assistance to walk.
He was actually added to the surgical planning schedule back in 2019 to do both his hips and legs in 2020. And then that pesky little global pandemic borked EVERY surgical waiting list. Every year, it was extended. And then he was finally going to do it about 2024, after five years of waiting, and his chronic pain stuff was flaring up. Not the best environment for adding to your health concerns.
And then last year, he met with the primary surgeon who has been ready to do this since Jacob was 6, every year saying “sometime, when he’s ready, and it’s appropriate”, and the surgeon was like, “Meh, I don’t know if it’s worth it.” WTF? We got a second opinion from another surgeon in the hospital, and he was more optimistic. No guarantees, and Jacob decided only to do the hamstrings and heel cords.
We have been trying for the last five years to do this at a time of year when it would limit the impact on Jacob’s schooling. They were GOING to do it last year, but we wanted to push it to the summer, and then other factors intervened. This year? We really wanted summer again. Nope, the open window was in late February. Frak. Jacob already misses enough school, but he is also about to age out of CHEO. This was the time to do it.
A hard decision, no doubt. Lots of potential risk, plus the work for rehab, and the potential pain and hassle of surgery at all. Jacob faced it squarely and made the call. It was a go for February.
Andrea and I are not in hospital mode anymore
I remember back in the day when Jacob was small and a frequent flyer at CHEO. We had a routine where Andrea would take a change of clothes, plus clothes for Jacob, full snacks, toys, chargers, etc. We were ORGANIZED. For the day of his surgery, done as out-patient, it was like we had never done this before. We felt like we were wandering around the house, going “Chargers? Snacks? What?” Plus, you know, you have to be early.
We had to be there at 7:00 a.m., which doesn’t sound bad, but Jacob hasn’t gotten up easily before 10:00 in many months. I had already picked up a wheelchair the day before, so we would have a wheelchair when we got home. They gave Jacob some early meds around 8:00, and his whole team showed up at 9:00 for the surgery to start. It was supposed to be just over 3 hours or so. Andrea went in with him to the room, they started asking him questions, gave him the anesthesia mask, and that was it. Andrea didn’t even get to kiss him good luck! But there were lots of people there — three in the surgical team, three in the anesthetic team, and three nurses, plus some others wandering around unidentified. For five hours. Can you imagine the bill if we were paying direct instead of through OHIP?
Andrea and I went to breakfast in the cafeteria, then back to the waiting room. There’s a sign in the room, that many people do not read, that says, “If the phone rings, answer it.” Seems odd, but it’s the way they notify parents their kids are done and awake. Seems odd to answer and say, “Hello? Just a second!” and then ask, “Parents of Danica?” while looking around at other parents before handing it off to whichever parent is there.
We waited. And waited. Saw some other medical people who have treated Jacob, but not that day. Waited some more. Finally, as we got closer to the five-hour mark, the surgeon showed up and told us everything had gone well. The surgery took so long as it was more technically challenging. The incisions are done to the hamstrings while Jacob is lying on his back, and they go in through the adductor area (inner thighs), so hard to get to and Jacob’s legs are really tight. They did the hamstrings and the heel cords. Which we knew about. But he also did the feet, which I didn’t even know had been an option. Anyway, all good.
Seeing Jacob in the recovery room was odd. First and foremost, he had his glasses off and wasn’t wearing his contacts. So he looked different than usual anyway. But he also just seemed older. His voice was a bit deeper, he wasn’t as playful as he is usually. He was in super serious mode. And not cuz he was in any pain, cuz he wasn’t.
Mom joined us, we helped him sort of get ready to leave, and then the fun began. With the surgery, Jacob had two casts on his feet from the toes up to just below the knee. But the legs also have to stay relatively straight almost 24/7 for several weeks to aid in the healing so they gave him these leg casts / braces that go under the backs of his legs and do up in front, going from ankle to groin on each leg, and done up tight with velcro. They prevent the knee from bending at all. No problem, we knew this was happening.
When we had talked to the surgeon, he had told us that we should have them on all the time, but of course, we had to drive home, and he had to use the washroom, etc., etc., etc. So we could remove them. But when we went to plan our trip home, the nurse said, “Oh, no, you can’t take the braces off, they have to stay on, surgeon’s orders.” We were semi-sure that was not the right interpretation, but we weren’t sure; we could have misheard. So we left them on. And then had to get surgical scrub pants from the hospital to go OVER the braces as there was no way Jacob’s pants would fit and he was kind of flapping in the wind.
We got him off the bed, standing, and into a wheelchair with his legs supported and very reclined. All the way to the front door of the hospital, but then we had to get him into the car. I’m sure CHEO could sell that footage as it likely looked like a gong show, but it was incredibly stressful. It is near impossible to put someone in leg casts into a car when he’s 17 and mostly deadweight. It took almost 20 minutes.
When we finally got home, and in the garage, we took the pants off and the braces (called Zimmers by the way), and got him into the house and into the wheelchair in about 5 minutes with no gong show antics. We should have absolutely trusted our original instructions.
The biggest thing after that was the first two days for pain management, although it was both simple and complicated at the same time, and highly efficient. I was expecting him to have a lot of pain and soreness. Instead, he had almost none. They gave him what they call a nerve block for each leg. In effect, there was a catheter running from the nerves that control the pain in the area, out the side of his legs into a bag, and the bag had a numbing agent in it. The bag sat in the equivalent of a fanny pack that could go around your waist or more easily, just over your neck, and sits there for two days, blocking all nerve pain from reaching your brain. At the end of two days, you watch a little video, and then you pull it out yourself. Or, in our case, Andrea did it. Jacob said it felt weird having this thing moving inside his body to come out, but no pain. He took Tylenol and Advil as preventative and treatment, but never needed his “stronger” pain meds. He took one, I think, on two different nights when he had spasms earlier, but mostly he survived VERY well on his own.
We put two chairs in a downstairs and upstairs bathroom so he could transition from the wheelchair (which doesn’t fit in bathroom doors) to the chair, then close the door, before transitioning himself to the toilet. Most of the time, the only real help he needed was for food in the kitchen to access the fridge and cupboards; carry his wheelchair up and down the stairs once per day; and help doing up the straps on his Zimmers. When he started walking, we gave him support a few times, but most of the time, he did it himself.
For about a week after the surgery, Jacob had been going up and down the stairs mostly on his butt. Then, one night, I was carrying the wheelchair up the stairs ahead of him, I got to the top to put it down and set the brake, etc., and I realized he was already at the top and I was in the way. And then I realized the reason I was in the way was that he had walked ALL THE WAY UP on his own two feet, not climbing backwards on his butt. Amazing.
I confess with his earlier aversion to the wheelchair, I thought he would fight it. But he didn’t. On the other hand, nobody ever saw him it outside of people at CHEO (using one of theirs) or Andrea and I at home. He didn’t even tell his friends he was having the surgery until afterwards, and he has avoided inviting them over until he feels more stable walking. Maybe now that the casts are gone, he might feel better.
Oh, and he has needed help with bathing, in a way. Not help with the bathing part, more getting INTO the bathing setup. CHEO and others basically said, “Okay, don’t get the casts wet.” Which means they advise you to shower with garbage bags over your casts and taped so no water gets in. In case water DOES get in, they advise you to first wrap the casts in a towel. The other alternative is you can buy these plastic leg bags that have a tight seal at the top. You put them on like a giant sock of sorts but they have a tight opening that seals around your leg. I had one when I was in wound care for my leg; we still had an extra one for Jacob to use along with a garbage bag on the other one. But he liked the commercial one better, so we got him a second one of those. I helped him get towels around his casts and the plastic socks over his casts and on to his legs, and then he looked after getting into the tub and showering. I helped once to get them off as did Andrea, otherwise he did almost everything himself. He wouldn’t even have needed my help much the first time except the duct tape twisted and wouldn’t break for him.
Four weeks later
He wore his first casts for two weeks and then we went to CHEO (no BRACES IN THE CAR this time) to have them removed. Or more accurately, changed. They checked his legs, the incisions, and then our orthotics specialist measured him to get new ankle-foot orthotics (AFOs). Now that his right foot will sit straight, he can wear AFOs again without any posting, so we needed to order new ones. Today, for the end of week 4, we went back to CHEO to remove the last cast, have the surgeon check things (he figures he got a 30% improvement in his right ankle and foot!), and to get the new AFOs.
Going forward, it means that Jacob will wear AFOs again pretty much all the time, and in particular, in the coming weeks as he basically learns to walk again. As the surgeon put it, he’s walked for 17 years one way, and now his left foot is straighter and his right foot goes flat. It felt weird to Jacob to stand on it, but that was more about the change from the casts than the change from before.
The big ticket item is physio. He has to go twice a week for quite some time. At least we know the physio though: she’s the same person who has done his serial casts twice previously! And was involved with his original therapy for occupational therapy for writing and speech. She’s known him since he was about 4, I think. We love her.
Interestingly, the AFOs would normally send us to a special Kiddie Kobbler in town with Rob the Shoeman as the owner. He was a foot specialist before selling shoes, but he’s closing the store, and this weekend is his last. Very sad. We have a lot of fond memories going there to get Jacob shoes in a world where such an outing for large oversized shoes to fit AFOs could be a nightmare instead. It was great for us. I’m hoping to stop in this weekend just to say so long and thanks for the fish. We have good options still, now that Jacob is older, but Rob was a lifesaver for us.
The big question mark, though, is when Jacob will be strong enough to walk consistently for any distance and go back to school. He has zero interest in using a wheelchair at school. It is far too polarizing for him. But his physical recovery over the last four weeks was more challenging than we hoped and expected, and he hasn’t been able to do much schoolwork. He’s behind in everything. He wants to believe he can still finish everything, but at the risk of low marks, and now that he’s in Grade 11, those marks will go on his university application.
Yet there have been some other bright spots. Little moments here and there, for instance.
Seeing him in recovery, and him seeming older and more mature suddenly.
A few days after surgery, he slept an insane number of hours in one day, like 11:00 until almost 11:00 at night, and then back to bed around 12:30 until the morning. It was almost 18h in a 24h period. But while he was awake, he was SUPER HYPER. And gregarious. He wanted to tell me everything that was in his head. And I was so sad cuz I was dead on my feet and I had to put him to bed. I would have loved to stay up longer and just listen to him for hours.
Another moment that has happened a few times is that, as he’s sitting on the couch in his braces with his legs up, I’ve lain down beside him with my head on his leg for a simple cuddle. We’ve sat there a few times just hanging out, with him playing with my hair or massaging my head. It is so peaceful and relaxing.
Heck, I’ve even enjoyed the bedtime routine of lugging everything upstairs, as it has felt like he’s a kid again and we’re putting him to bed.
Lighter moments where we can find them.
But there is a phrase that keeps running through my head, in my pride of the decision he made on his own, albeit with our support, and all that the decision has entailed.
Bold decisions, extraordinary results.
And today? I saw him with his feet sitting completely flat with no effort, no help from an AFO, no brace, nada. Just his two feet flat on the floor, straight out from his body. Extraordinary. Beautiful.
The rehab will be hard. School will be what it is and what he can do.
But that “flat feet” posture alone is all the result we could have hoped for and more. I’m so proud of him.